When a conflict is not between parties and is instead against a mind and a concept; How can that individual defeat the idea? And is defeating the idea even the way to reconcile such an interaction.
This is the conundrum I am currently facing, with the concept being conflicted with being that of sleep.
At a conceptual level, I understand that sleep is a mandatory part of the human experience. It's a critical function to re-codify memories and to provide our minds a state of rest.
But despite understanding this necessity, some part of my brain has begun to fear the concept, whilst simultaneous longing for it's rest.
It's the anxiety of that complete forfeiture of control over my experience, I believe that is the root cause of my current predicament.
So, how do I reconcile with the concept of sleep?
Ever since a few weeks ago, my circadian rhythms have been disrupted due to factors far beyond my control; however now that I once again have control over these factors, the final factor I seem to have lost control over is my vision of the expectation of that experience. My mind still expects that sleep process to no longer be controlled by myself, and it kind of sucks.
Logically I have nothing to worried about, the world will still be there when I awake, continuity of existence is something I have proof of every day I wake up.
So what about the process is causing me this perceived anguish?
Fear. Fear that I won't have a good sleep, is preventing me from having good sleep.
I have to have a good sleep to prove to myself that I still can do it.
Yet how does one do that when the previous iterations present to the contrary?
Something so easy, so natural an experience, has become a challenge, and it is not a welcome one.
I want control over my experience, and this fear and anguish, directed towards a fundamental part of it, is only causing a feedback loop that can only be established by recognising that that is the case.
It is good to externalise your experiences, but actuating the thoughts that plauge our day to day, by making these thoughts a dialogue with ourselves, instead of a cyclical internal struggle, we're able to apply our logic and problem solving skills, instead of being completely absorbed with the problem it's perceiving.